Hollow Hospitality

Joseph Hall (1574–1656)

From “Satires,” Book III. Sat. 3.

THE COURTEOUS citizen bade me to his feast

With hollow words, and overly request:

“Come, will ye dine with me this holiday?”

I yielded, though he hoped I would say nay:

For I had maidened it, as many use;

Loath for to grant, but loather to refuse.

“Alack, sir, I were loath—another day,—

I should but trouble you;—pardon me, if you may.”

No pardon should I need; for, to depart

He gives me leave, and thanks too, in his heart.

Two words for money, Darbyshirian wise:

(That ’s one too many) is a naughty guise.

Who looks for double biddings to a feast,

May dine at home for an importune guest.

I went, then saw, and found the great expense;

The face and fashions of our citizens.

Oh, Cleopatrical! what wanteth there

For curious cost, and wondrous choice of cheer?

Beef, that erst Hercules held for finest fare;

Pork for the fat Bœotian, or the hare

For Martial; fish for the Venetian;

Goose-liver for the licorous Roman;

Th’ Athenian’s goat; quail, Iolaus’ cheer;

The hen for Eseulape, and the Parthian deer;

Grapes for Arcesilas, figs for Pluto’s mouth,

And chestnuts fair for Amarillis’ tooth.

Hadst thou such cheer? wert thou ever there before?

Never,—I thought so: nor come there no more.

Come there no more; for so meant all that cost:

Never hence take me for thy second host.

For whom he means to make an often guest,

One dish shall serve; and welcome make the rest.