He ’d Had No Show

Sam Walter Foss (1858–1911)

JOE BEALL ’ud set upon a keg

Down to the groc’ry store, an’ throw

One leg right over t’other leg

An’ swear he ’d never had no show.

“O, no,” said Joe,

“Hain’t hed no show,”

Then shift his quid to t’other jaw,

An’ chaw, an’ chaw, an’ chaw, an’ chaw.

He said he got no start in life,

Didn’t get no money from his dad,

The washin’ took in by his wife

Earned all the funds he ever had.

“O, no,” said Joe,

“Hain’t hed no show,”

An’ then he ’d look up at the clock

An’ talk, an’ talk, an’ talk, an’ talk.

“I ’ve waited twenty year—let ’s see—

Yes, twenty-four, an’ never struck,

Altho, I ’ve sot roun’ patiently,

The fust tarnation streak er luck.

O, no,” said Joe,

“Hain’t hed no show,”

Then stuck like mucilage to the spot,

An’ sot, an’ sot, an’ sot, an’ sot.

“I ’ve come down regerlar every day

For twenty years to Piper’s store.

I ’ve sot here in a patient way,

Say, hain’t I, Piper?” Piper swore.

“I tell ye, Joe,

Yer hain’t no show;

Yer too dern patient”—ther hull raft

Jest laffed, an’ laffed, an’ laffed, an’ laffed.