Gluggity Glug

George Colman the Younger (1762–1836)

From “The Myrtle and the Vine”

A JOLLY fat friar loved liquor good store,

And he had drunk stoutly at supper;

He mounted his horse in the night at the door,

And sat with his face to the crupper:

“Some rogue,” quoth the friar, “quite dead to remorse,

Some thief, whom a halter will throttle,

Some scoundrel has cut off the head of my horse,

While I was engaged at the bottle,

Which went gluggity, gluggity—glug—glug—glug.”

The tail of the steed pointed south on the dale,

’T was the friar’s road home, straight and level;

But, when spurred, a horse follows his nose, not his tail,

So he scampered due north, like a devil:

“This new mode of docking,” the friar then said,

“I perceive doesn’t make a horse trot ill;

And ’t is cheap,—for he never can eat off his head

While I am engaged at the bottle,

Which goes gluggity, gluggity—glug—glug—glug.”

The steed made a stop,—in a pond he had got,

He was rather for drinking than grazing;

Quoth the friar, “’T is strange headless horses should trot,

But to drink with their tails is amazing!”

Turning round to see whence this phenomenon rose,

In the pond fell this son of a pottle;

Quoth he, “The head ’s found, for I ’m under his nose,—

I wish I were over a bottle,

Which goes gluggity, gluggity—glug—glug—glug!”